he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
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