In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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