I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
