I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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