awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I'm jealous of your bromance
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
