I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
