Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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