i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I'm bleeding and have questions
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
