Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
We left the knife in your bed.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
