i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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