you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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