I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
