I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize