After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
