No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
