at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
