I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
