So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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