checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
