I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
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My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
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Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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