this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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