We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
