you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
