i love accidental penises.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
