Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
