Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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