If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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