she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
