u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
