she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Randomize
