Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
