ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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