she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
