I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
