cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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