you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
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i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
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Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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