So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
