I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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