i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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