There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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