Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
