next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
