I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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