Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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