Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
