I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
