we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
