it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
