U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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