I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
two words...techno handjob
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
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