his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize