Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
