How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
