did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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