okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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