508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
