Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
