So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
