I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
you will always have a special place in my vag
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
