so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
handjob tips. give me some.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
