his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
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Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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