he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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