So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
