he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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