the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
