So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
