Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
They took my balls.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
