Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
