this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
