we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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