PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
