what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
