I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
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Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
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I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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