Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
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