Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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