and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
