you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
