Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
