I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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