some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
