just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
You smell like a Billy Joel song
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
