From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
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How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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