he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
