drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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