My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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