It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize